My birth mother hasn’t texted me in weeks. My adoptive mother hasn’t texted me in months. As I prepare to leave the U.S., I’m as comfortable with those two realities as I can reasonably be. I don’t doubt that both women loved me in their own way, but ultimately, there were significant gaps in their parenting decisions. Parenting is a project that inevitably leaves scars, and I can’t fault these two women for their gaps of knowledge. I might question their lack of desire to comprehend the...

Both my examples of family dynamics (adoptive and biological families) did not leave a healthy example to follow. So much of what my partner and I are creating together feels like trial and error. I do not have a script to copy. I do not automatically know what family traditions should look like, what economical choices to make to ensure long-term career satisfaction, or how conflict is usually handled in a safe home.

A few days after meeting my extended birth family for the first time, I had returned to my home in Guam and went back to work. That first Monday flew by and I drove home feeling dazed and detached. I turned off the radio to concentrate, my mind buzzing with a thousand small worries. When I got home, my dogs rushed to greet me. Halfway through our usual hello's, the overwhelm got to me. "Back up!" I snapped, pulling off my purse and keys like they were burning me. My body felt trapped and far...