For many adoptees, resentment is not about being “too sensitive.” It is often rooted in the unique emotional blueprint shaped by adoption itself.

My birth mother hasn’t texted me in weeks. My adoptive mother hasn’t texted me in months. As I prepare to leave the U.S., I’m as comfortable with those two realities as I can reasonably be. I don’t doubt that both women loved me in their own way, but ultimately, there were significant gaps in their parenting decisions. Parenting is a project that inevitably leaves scars, and I can’t fault these two women for their gaps of knowledge. I might question their lack of desire to comprehend the...

Both my examples of family dynamics (adoptive and biological families) did not leave a healthy example to follow. So much of what my partner and I are creating together feels like trial and error. I do not have a script to copy. I do not automatically know what family traditions should look like, what economical choices to make to ensure long-term career satisfaction, or how conflict is usually handled in a safe home.